Some Common Parental Concerns
Questions have often been raised and concerns expressed about the rationale behind some of Bhavya’s practices. How, for instance, can children learn discipline when there is so much freedom and no punishment? How would children ever be motivated to learn when there in neither competition nor praise?
We, therefore, briefly address the issues of discipline, freedom, competition, praise and punishment here.
1. Natural Internal Order and Discipline
Our experience has clearly shown us that there is a natural internal order in all of creation. The order that exists in nature seems to indicate that nature loves order and thrives on it. Children, being part of Nature, also seek an order - which must come from within. It cannot be thrust on them from the outside. Freedom is an essential condition which permits this journey towards establishing a perfect internal order at each stage of human development. In the absence of freedom this journey simply cannot be made. During the natural growth process children are moving, constantly, from states of disequilibrium to states of equilibrium - this movement constitutes growth in all human beings. When children are allowed the freedom to experience this movement from within – a movement which must necessarily occur at various stages in the growth process - they are able to reach the state of balance and order comfortably. Because this happens from the inside, and is not rushed from the outside, they experience a natural transition from stage to stage. There is peace. Self-discipline is this natural order which occurs within us. It is prompted at each point by our natural needs. It is there to stay.
The effects of externally imposed discipline, on the other hand, are clearly seen in our society, today. In spite of the strict, “disciplined” upbringing most of us have been through in this culture, self-discipline is sorely lacking in our adult community. The chaos in Parliament, university administration, and so on, indicate that wherever external checks are minimal, accountability, efficiency and even basic decency of behaviour are at their lowest levels. So what has our strict cultural upbringing really achieved? Certainly not any self-discipline. And certainly not a sharing and peacefully coexisting community of people.
Externally enforced discipline by its very name, suggests violence. The order created through external enforcement stays only as long as the enforcing factor stays, whereas the humiliation and anger experienced repeatedly by the child, stay for life. It destroys the naturally flowing growth process in the human person, unless timely intervention occurs and releases her.
2. Freedom and Dignity
At Bhavya, we stress freedom, as we do, because we believe that without freedom there is no dignity.
In any environment, when the child is allowed to make her own decisions, it helps her to test the strengths and limits of time, ability and relationships. Her performance on any front becomes her own prerogative and not what is desired of her by the others around her. This gives her the opportunity to give her best to whatever she decides to do. We have found that when there is freedom, children learn responsibility most effectively. They are trusted and, hence, are able to take charge of their lives. Thus their autonomy and dignity are preserved.
What happens to children who are left to make their own decisions for a large part of the day? How do they spend their time? At the younger ages, most are outdoors for long periods. As they grow older and become more settled from within, their field of focus changes. Much of the benefits of the Bhavya program depends on having adequate space for the child to run, climb and explore nature and her own bodily needs and limits.
For instance, a child who comes to us physically timid and closed usually prefers to watch others climb trees for days on end before she decides to try it herself. For the rest of the term, her focus of interest in a day and her excitement in life might, largely, be climbing trees. The satisfaction she feels and the strength which grows within her during this time is a wonder to be experienced. At the end of the term, we see a child whose body is relaxed, where it was tight earlier; a child who runs with abandon, and climbs trees without fear. Simultaneously, a growth in the general level of self-confidence and courage to explore new challenges, fearlessly, is also observed.
3. Competition or Co-operation?
At Bhavya we have chosen the way of co-operation.
Contrary to the commonly accepted belief that competition is necessary to “bring out the best,” we have found it to be quite limiting and, even destructive, in its effects. We have found that competition has a demoralizing effect on all but a few of the competitors. Often, when an individual is convinced that she cannot be in the leading position, she decides to give up trying altogether rather than try, and risk “failure”.
It is time to shatter the myth that competition is necessary. Our work with children has shown that the human being, by nature, strives for competence in everything she does. This natural drive for competence seeks fulfillment all the time and it spurs on learning at every stage. The learner sets and pursues her own goals driven by her natural interests. When the results are not satisfactory to her, she identifies the problem area and begins to work to correct it. She feels satisfied and confident in her power to rectify her own errors. She does not feel reduced or destroyed by her mistakes. She merely learns from them. No one “fails” in the conventional sense, in such a system of growing.
The children in this environment learn to work together and to help one another along.
4. Praise
Praise is an external motivator and the problem with external motivation, whether it be negative (threats, punishments, scolding, or insults/abuse), or positive (gold stars, grades, or degree certificates), is that it displaces or submerges internal motivation. It cripples the individual by making her approval-dependent. It ignores the sense of fulfillment and joy experienced when the individual accomplishes a task successfully.
We have found that a successfully accomplished task is a reward in itself. It motivates the individual to go further and attempt still more challenging tasks. Just the process of working through a difficult task, watching the problem unfold before her, finding solutions as she goes along, and bringing the situation to a satisfactory conclusion brings with it a joy, indescribable. After all, babies learn to walk, talk, etc., not because they want to earn our praise or please us - but because it is part of their instinct and nature to want to explore and gain the competence, which gives them increased control over their own lives and environment.
At Bhavya, we recognize this very special, intrinsic motivator as absolutely essential to healthy human development.
5. Punishment
Punishment may or may not cause physical pain, but the humiliation, the loneliness, the hate and rage felt by the punished child are real enough, intense, and affect her emotional development, adversely. Punishments and threats are insulting to the child’s intelligence. They leave indelible scars over a period of time. Studies show that most students who rebel violently against authority and indulge in criminal activities are those who have grown up in extremely strict and punitive environments.
We believe that punishment destroys the child’s capacity to overcome obstacles and explore the unknown, which are essential qualities for learning.
It is commonly believed that punishment is necessary for school discipline. We are convinced that punishment, no matter how subtle, cannot resolve the problem of discipline in schools. There are some simple, yet significant, reasons for the breakdown of discipline in schools.
They are:
· boring and meaningless curricula
· failure
· endless rules, many of which are quite unnecessary
· imposition of a uniform style and pace of learning which disregards differences among individuals
· adult abuse of authority
· competitive approach rather than a cooperative approach
· children being forced to behave in a manner very contrary to their natural inclinations (for instance, neurologically, physiologically and emotionally, a young child is not capable of sitting for hours at a time. When forced to do this against her nature, the final result is very damaging to the child.)
Punishment cannot, therefore, be the answer to the problem of discipline. We believe that the answer lies in addressing the above-listed causes. We work, consistently, to ensure that these causes do not exist in our environment. Thus, the individual, in Bhavya, has no cause to rebel.